Unfortunately, I am becoming a professional on this topic. God knows I’m gaining enough experience. Unfortunately the first dates aren’t turning into second dates and I’ve made a few observances why in the process. Guys- pay attention. You too, Ladies, as we pull these blunders as well
1. The Plan – If there is someone you’d like to meet – make a plan to do so! Instead of continual texting, calling, snapchatting, whatever – shit or get off the pot! If you don’t, someone else will and you might miss out on someone pretty awesome. No- “Why don’t we just hang at my house?” or “How about a hotel?” are not acceptable first dates. Show some incentive and have a plan formulated with date, time and a public place to meet. Make it a place convenient for your date which shows her that you are putting some thought into keeping her in a familiar location close to where she lives. She will appreciate you making the effort of coming to her turf.
2. The Place – Typically, a first date is not the time for a romantic dinner at a five-star restaurant. As if finding the perfect first date outfit isn’t hard enough, you’ve now added the pressure of “OMG now I need to buy a new DRESS?!!?”. Additionally, the money spent on a dinner like this is similar to a small car payment. Do you really want to spend that much on someone who may not make it to date two? Instead – keep it simple – a cup of coffee, a hike, or even a cocktail. I’d like to add, however, if you are meeting for drinks in the 6-8 pm time frame expect to order at least appetizers. You don’t want her to go home hungry and during that window she WILL expect something to eat. I’ve met up with two different men during dinner time who pushed away the menu and didn’t even offer a snack. I didn’t pursue either one of them.
3. The Look – Now that you’ve made the plan and the meeting is set up – put some effort into it. Put your best foot forward and please don’t show up with 5 o’clock shadow, droopy drawers and a dirty shirt. If you want to impress her, take off the baseball cap, and break out a button down and put on some nicer shoes. Obviously there are different rules if you’re going for a hike, but still make an attempt to look nice as it goes a long way with the ladies. Take a shower. Smell good. And look good. Chances are she’s spent hours and probably made 15 face time calls with her BFF’s and 3 to her sister to make sure she looks her best.
4. The Phone – Keep. The. Phone. Away. The ONLY exception to this rule is if you have your children with a sitter or someone who may need to reach you in an emergency. And explain it. If you absolutely MUST have your phone out – whatever you do – do NOT put it face down. That tells your date only one thing – It tells your date that you are worried about what other potential texts or dating site notifications will come across your screen while you are sitting across from her. She needs to know that she is your focus and you are paying attention to only her during this time.
5. The Conversation – Whatever you do, the last place your conversation should go is to the ex’s. Everyone has a past, especially as we get older, and our ex’s are our ex’s for a reason. She does not want to hear how your ex-girlfriend banged 11 of your closest friends right under your own roof. (Yes I sat through that conversation) She does not want to hear how all of your ex girlfriend’s are crazy psychos and all of your break-ups are because of what she did. Because guess what – that’s a red flag on you. You have a role in your past relationships, too. And that’s why they need to stay there. In the past. There are other taboo conversations involving politics, religion, etc – unless of course you’ve met under that commonality.
6. The Bill. This is the most awkward moment in a first date (aside from walking in and introducing yourselves of course). The bill comes – what do you do? Well – frankly , Mister – be a gentleman and take care of it. There should be no exceptions to this. You should also deny any request from her to help or cover the tip. She’s normally only asking to A. See how you’ll react and B. To show you she’s not afraid pull her weight. Which she will – in time. Chivalry is not dead and you will leave a favorable impression by picking up the tab. Can’t afford to pay the bill? Well then you just shouldn’t be dating.
7. The Final Faux Pas – discounting anyone who may pull one of the aforementioned faux pas. We are all human. We are not perfect. Why do you think it’s so difficult to find someone worth the first date? If your date went fairly well, and he seems like a nice guy who happened to have one little slip up – ask yourself just how bad that slip was. Yes – we all have boundaries and we should keep them in line with our standards. We shouldn’t settle, nor should they. But a mistake is a mistake and maybe worth reviewing the positives during the date rather than focusing on one little error. Sometimes an entire game is won on an error!
There have also been times I’ve been on that “perfect” first date and it still doesn’t get to date two. But all you can do is stay positive, put my own best foot forward and know that someday…..