This is part confession, part realization- Yup. Here we go again.
The relationship I’m most recently out of was one of rules. HIS rules. HIS terms. He was (IS) a Narcissist. Even though this isn’t about that, feel free to look up effects of a relationship with a Narc. I can write CHAPTERS about it, and may, but, again, this isn’t what this is about. One day I will though. (Best blog about being with a Narc I found for my healing https://ladywithatruck.com/ )
I feel like I’m ready to get back on the horse. Figuratively and literally. (LOL!!!)
So- while I haven’t told some of the people closest to me- I’ve tried dating again. Key word- “TRIED”. I goff at the concept. This entry could be entitled “You’ve got to be kidding me part III”. Feel free to look at my older posts (https://lizizcookin.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/youve-got-to-be-kidding-me-part-ii/) So. Here we go-
Attempt 1. Joe from POK. Looked like a fun guy. Tiki bars, beaches, tequilafests. Well. Pictures say 1000 words. Reality says a bazillion Right out of the gate, I knew I wasn’t ready for this, but I did it anyway. I drove up to our meeting place and as soon as I saw him leaning against his truck, I knew it was a mistake. There was, with his belly hanging over his knees and his white orthopedic shoes. I should have kept driving, but I’m not that kind of person. I parked next to him, and watched him as he hobbled, yes hobbled, into the restaurant. I already knew this was going to be a long night. As I sat across from him at our table, I listened to his tales of woe about the girlfriend he just broke up with and his 11 friends she slept with. Lord help me. I was actually looking behind him to see if I could escape out the exit if I excused myself to the bathroom. But. I’m not that kind of person. So I sat there and listened. And listened. And listened. So did everyone around us. The night could not have ended quick enough. Three, yes THREE, hours later, i feigned exhaustion and encouraged a departure. I got into my car, and as I drove down the highway, burst into tears. Part out of being disappointed with myself for not being true to the fact that I knew I wasn’t ready, part because- just NO.
Attempt 2. Another Joe. For the first time in the history of Liz Mitchell dating- friends came with me as back up on this date and sat behind me to observe. He never knew. (That was funny in itself). He was excruciatingly handsome, professional, witty, and a true gentleman. I actually was excited about this one and we quickly saw each other again for a second date. Both dates were, dare I say, perfect. Silly me to say so. After perfect date #2 and exchanging schedules and ideas for perfect date #3, the fucker ghosted me. I was pretty upset, but glad so early on and not after I invested significant time. I searched for reasons why, but I guess it really doesn’t matter.
Attempt 3. I’m not going to name him because we have friends in common. And, while we met on line, these friends vouched for him. “The nicest guy in the world”. “He’d give you the shirt off his back”. “Great Dad”. We talked for a while before meeting, but finally decided to do so. For the first time in the dating history of Liz Mitchell- he stood me up. But, because of what my friend said, we were genuinely worried about him as it was so “against his character”. So I gave him another chance. And we met. It went well and our conversations were great. But-he stood me up again. And again. So- DELETE. He evidently is not the person my people think he is and that is just too bad.
Here’s what I’ve learned. JUST NO. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I’m worth way more. And some day- someone will realize it. No- I’m not going to carve out just one hour of my time for you to get your rocks off (funny- that’s a Joe, too). And no- I’m not giving Mr. Stood-Me-up-THREE-times another chance. Because JUST NO
I know what I deserve and I know what makes me happy. And THIS is what makes me happy- My kids. My time ALONE. My family. Making plans with my family and friends with ZERO distraction. And- being true to myself. And, Single Me is so much more amusing!
So FUCK YOU to those that are searching for a bigger better deal than me. Because obviously you’re NOT the bigger better deal. But you know what? I AM. And one day- in God’s time- the right person will realize that. I may continue to date. And if I do, you may get more reading material. But for now, I stick with ME. And my people. On MY terms.