Livin la Vida Lizzy Loco

Someone told me last night that I’m too passionate. Too passionate? Is there such thing? They told me I need to put my head down and figure out what I want in life. They told me that I do not give the impression that I want stability. They made me feel that I wouldn’t find someone until I show that I am more stable.

A couple years ago my mom said to a friend of mine that she was a lot like me, but she had my dad to keep her feet on the ground. The difference for me is I don’t want someone to keep my feet on the ground. I want someone who embraces my crazy (passion) and appreciates me for who I am, can keep up, and joins me in my zest for life.

I am passionate in that that I love life and I want to celebrate life. I’m not one to watch the world as it passes by. I want to be in it, be in the moment, be present. I want to laugh, I want to be joyful, I want to love. And I want to be infectious.

As far as stability is concerned, I may not be your traditional tale of stability with a husband, 2.5 kids, a dog and a white picket fence, but if holding the same job for almost 20 years with the same company, being a single mom and running a household completely on my own for the past 10 (and rocking it) and still finding time to volunteer and cultivate relationships isn’t stability- then tell me what is.

Not knowing what I want out of life?? I’m pushing 50. Yes- we all have more that we want to do, but if I haven’t figured life out by now, I’d be in trouble.

I walked away from this conversation with my head spinning. I am having a hard time processing what they said. It actually made me a bit sad. I know I’m not for everyone- no one is. Passion for life isn’t easy for every one- but it is for me.

And not finding someone? I’ve known for a long time that because of my passion- it will take a special person who appreciates the stability of every day routine yet embraces all that I am. After the rat race pace of the day to day stability, I need someone who will recognize when to say- hey – you need a break- let’s go do something fun to get the crazy out. And in return- I’ll hold their hand. I’ll love them. I’ll take care of them and I’ll treat them like they’re the most important person in the world- because to me they are.

So to this person that got into my head and made me question the one thing that makes me, me- Fuck You. I’m going to just keep doing me the best way I can. Passion and all.


Oh, Tallulah Dahling..

I found out today that someone I hold very dear passed away unexpectedly yesterday.

I met Steven and his partner Chip in 2005 when we were walking our dogs in our old neighborhood.  I was instantly drawn to Steven’s smile, his laugh, and his carefree spirit.  Chip and Steven became instant friends and a very important part of my life.

We met during a time when I was having a hard time in my marriage and I felt like I had lost myself and forgotten who I was.  “The Boys”, as we called them, took me into their fold.  I credit them to this day for bringing me back to life and helping me find me again.

Steven was instrumental in that process.  As a Clinique counter girl, he helped me with makeup and clothes.  They’d bring me to their bar where I’d be treated better than I was in a straight bar.  We had many-a-night of sharing friendships, laughs, and getting “Tallulah’d” (as Steven would call it).  We had a blast whether it was at home on my back deck with my family and our dogs, or when we’d go out on our adventures. I hadn’t felt this much “myself” in years. And it felt great.  They had become an integral part of my family.

Soon before I was due with Katherine in March of 2007, they told me they were relocating to San Antonio.  I felt like a rug had been pulled out from under me.  In April of that year as I held my baby, I watched them pull out of my driveway for the very last time.  I felt like a part of my heart was leaving with them.

Before my maternity leave was over, I decided to take my baby and go visit them.  I took my 10 week old infant and we hopped a flight to San Antonio for her and me to “mess with Texas”.  We had the blast that I expected and I had the pleasure of meeting their dear friends Paul and David.  I remember when they dropped me off for my flight when I left, they each hugged me a little tighter, and when I looked back at them as I walked off, there were tears in all of our eyes.  A couple weeks later, Chip died. My world crashed again.  I was so grateful I had that time in Texas with them. Yes  – I remember the Alamo.

Steven came to Connecticut for Chip’s services and stayed with us.  We had the funeral party at my home and, even with all the parties I’ve hosted, I don’t know if there has ever been one that topped the one we threw for Chip.  My house was so full of the love and laughter of all different kinds of people coming together to celebrate his life.

One memory that forever stands in my mind, is the image of Steven, in all the glory of the Queen that he is, sitting on top of a van as it drove through the neighborhood, with his parade wave, heading to the beach.  If there ever was a Queen Bitch – Steven was it.

I’ll never forget Steven saying to me then that he felt that if Chip had one purpose in life, it was to bring Steven and I together in friendship.  He might have been right.

After Chip died, Steven relocated to Florida to be closer to his parents.  Steven, with a myriad of health issues, never really rallied.  His life since then has been full of doctor’s visits, medications, and procedures.  My heart was sad for him.  I hoped that he’d have his turn to find himself again.

Last weekend Paul and David got married. Steven was supposed to come up to be a part of the celebration and I was going to be his plus one.  I met the idea with apprehension. Knowing about Steven’s health issues, I was so concerned with what could happen on his trip up here.  Frankly, I wasn’t sure I wanted the responsibility.  It’s funny how God works sometimes.  Steven had an appointment that he couldn’t miss last week and not being sure how he’d feel afterwards, he decided not to come up for the wedding.

Now, 4 days after the time he was supposed to be here, his dear mother finds him yesterday morning peaceful in his bed.  He passed away while getting ready for bed the night before.  All she kept telling me was how she kisses him good-night every night as he’s getting into bed.  Instead, on Tuesday night, she said good-night to him before he went to bed and missed kissing him.  What she would do for that last good-night kiss.   She’s not sure she’ll be able to carry on, but knowing how strong she is, I’m sure in time, she will.

I learned of his passing this morning, and through my own tears, I smile at the memories that Steven and I shared. I’m grateful for the time we had together in life, and the people I’ve met through him. He had an instrumental place in my life and I hold him in my heart with nothing but fondness. I pray he is once again whole and at peace in Heaven.  Good-bye Tallulah Dahling – Until next time.


Liberation Day

10 years ago on this day my divorce was finalized. We stood in front of the judge with nervous laughter, just as we did almost 14 years earlier in front of the minister. I found that same laughter almost ironic on that June day in 2008.

I’ve grown exponentially since that time; mostly within the last five years. The biggest, most important thing I’ve learned is how to be true to myself. I’ve learned what is acceptable, and what is absolutely non-negotiable for me.

I had to exercise that this weekend. It was hard, and it wasn’t without hurting someone I care about. It had to be done. For me, for my health, and most importantly given the circumstances, for my mental health and optimism. In the matter of only one day, I felt like I was going down with a sinking ship. Thanks to life-long friends, I landed where I should have been all along feeling safe, comfortable, and so very happy.

I’m like a book with having many more chapters to be written. There will be many lessons still to learn and mistakes to make along the way. The important thing is that I continue to use those fumbles along my path to learn from them.

I will continue to lead my life driven by positivity, happiness, and hopeful optimism. I will stay true to myself while keeping kindness in my deliveries when I need to stand up for me.

I’m excited to see what the next 10 years have to offer. Maybe I’ll even land a “happily ever after”!


Number on a Napkin

It’s 1992 and you’re 22. You see an attractive woman across the bar.  You exchange glances with each other until you finally get the courage to approach her.  You introduce yourself, shake her hand, and most likely, offer her a drink.  If you’re lucky, you spend the evening passing the hours chatting and feeling like it’s only been minutes.  When the bar closes, you exchange pen-written phone numbers on cocktail napkins.  You arrange to see each other again, and after several dates, perhaps, a relationship ensues.

It’s 2018 and you’re 48.  You’re cruising on-line profiles, swiping left until you find someone you feel is worth swiping right. You’re notified she’s a match!  You message back and forth a few times until you exchange numbers “because it’s easier than having to log onto this site”.

You chat through text, and MAYBE get a phone call in.  Then, for whatever reason, BAM! An unsolicited Dick pic fills her screen.  And, in return, whether it’s boobs, tits or ass- you want a picture of her.

Let’s pretend and go back to 1992.  Would you EVER have dreamed of approaching a woman in a bar (or anywhere for that matter, and whipping it out, expecting her to answer with a flash of her titties?  God, no. You’d be considered insane. And you’d probably get slapped across the face for it, or even arrested.

My quandary is this: Why, for GOD’S SAKE, is this now expected behavior between grown, professional adults? Why and when has this classless behavior from said adults become the norm?  What has happened to getting to know each other and letting nature take its course over time?  Why are we in such a rush to show things off, that we maybe shouldn’t be so eager to show off?

I’m certainly no prude, (as you know) but I’d like to travel back to how it used to be in 1992.  Maybe share my number to a hopeful perspective, have an adult conversation flirt a little, feel awkward and clumsy, and look forward to when it’s time to share that first kiss that’s followed by butterflies and tummy flips.

I don’t know- maybe it’s a lost art or maybe I’m the one off my game. But I’d be pleasantly surprised to get the guy behind the “Number on a Napkin”.


Taking MY Stand 

It’s October. Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I’ve decided it’s time to tell my story. Not the typical horror story one would hope to find during this month of Halloween, but my own horror story. My own story involving TWO kinds of abuse – one physical, one emotional. I could also talk about a third kind (me too), but I’m focusing on the domestic kind that I faced. It’s a longer piece than what I usually write, and it’s not funny, but it’s an important story that I need to tell. For me. 


After my marriage ended, I very quickly became involved with a man that I had known for some time. He was witty, charming, and handy. He was around all the time helping me with things around the house and our friendship turned hook up turned relationship. For almost three years. I will say that during this time we did have some fun. We traveled, we’d go into NYC, we’d go to concerts, went on a cruise, and had a really fun group of friends we’d party with. (Well- it was my group, actually). Then, the more he was around, I started to notice he’d disappear. Sometimes for a night. Sometimes for three. During these periods I turned into that girl. That crazy lunatic psycho girlfriend that blew up his phone from dusk to dawn. He’d never answer. When he’d get home it was as if nothing happened. My questions were pushed off as crazy, and life would return to its normal routine. He lived nearby and spent most of his time at my house with me and my girls. I started seeing signs and knew when to expect an absence. His behavior would change and he’d go into this dark place. It consumed me with worry that he’d leave again. Then- I finally got my answer. He was a coke head and would leave to go on binges. He told me where he’d go to do it, but I know that was also a lie. I started watching his phone. I learned the number he’d call when he needed his fix. Once it was on Christmas Eve. He told me he’d stop. While it did slow down, his alcohol consumption did not. The man had so much anger and hate in him. He also held zero accountability for his actions, and I was the one who usually was made to feel bad for being the one who got angry with him. I saw an occasional fight and I could see when he’d get that fire in his eyes. I justified it (that’s what we do- we justify. We- meaning the victim) because this behavior was never towards me. Until I finally had enough. I ended the relationship. That night he showed back up at my house in a drunken rage. The fact that he was drunk does NOT make it ok. The fact that my four year old baby girl was witness to this is NOT ok. The fact he entered my home against my will and ripped every single piece of electronic equipment out of my living room was NOT ok. He approached me with clenched fists, and fire in his eyes, and said “I’m going to bash your fucking head against the fucking wall you Cunt”. I’ll never forget the words. I’ll never forget the rage. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. Pure hate. Pure evil. Thankfully he left before he actually acted upon his words -and I had an inconsolable 4 year old to handle. I went to the police later that night to report it. They went to talk to him and since there was no physical harm, and since he pulled “But my Daddy was an NYPD detective” card, nothing was done. I told you already how charming he could be. The same charm he used to get out of a DUI. The same charm he used to get out of an altercation charge. The same fucking charm he used to get back into me. It’s not over…. A few nights later he showed back up at my front door. My oldest was doing homework on the computer. My youngest was in my arms ready to be tucked in. He was drunk. He asked if he could come in and show me something that he had found on YouTube that he wanted for me to see. I replied that he could not given my current circumstances and for the fact that just for a few days earlier he had threatened me. He looked up at me with this sad puppy dog eyes and asked “are we done?”. I replied with a matter of fact “yes” and he nodded his head and walked away in defeat. It left me very unsettled. I told my oldest that if he came back to call 911. The night passed without incident. The next morning I was out walking my dog. As I was coming back down my hill approaching my home, I saw him. He came across my lawn towards me with the same clenched fists and the same fire in his eyes that I saw only days before. I stopped in my tracks. He didn’t stop. As he got closer, I yelled at him to leave. I screamed as loud as I could hoping someone would hear me. But he kept coming. He baited me to hit him, and then -he pushed me. If I wasn’t as strong as I am, I surely would have fallen backwards, I yelled more, I yelled at him to leave me alone, I yelled for him to get away from my house and my kids. Thank God my daughter (and how awful at the same time) hears the commotion and remembering what I told her the night before, she calls 911. The police came. It was evident by the marks on my body that I was touched in a way I should not have been. He was arrested with an order of protection placed against him. He was also released on a promise to appear. All that did was gave him opportunity to break said Order of Protection. I’d call the police, they’d slap him on the wrist, and he’d get away with it again. He broke that order 6 times. Once by even contacting my own mother. I still to this day do not understand why more was not done by the police force when I notified them. Only one officer in all 6 of the events took me seriously. That needs to change. I feared for my safety. I feared for my children. I was disgusted with myself for allowing the behaviors leading up to that moment, for as long as I did. For the rest of that time living in that house, looking over my shoulder to make sure he was not lurking, became an automated habit. I realized this is not how any person should ever have to feel. Unsafe in their own home. The place that should be their salvation and peace. It’s not fair. 


I’m having a hard time putting this one into words. Maybe it was easier for Chapter 1 since so much time has passed. While it’s been over a year since Chapter 2, every now and the memories of the bad things flash back at me and I find that I’m still pretty fucking angry.  I’m angry about what he did. I’m angry at myself for allowing it for so long- even if it was “only” 18 months. I’m angry for how it’s affected me.

He made an amazing first impression. He was funny, charming, smart, good at his craft, outgoing and friendly 

He used his craft for attention. To be the center of attention. Every thing we ever did was centered around his work. If it wasn’t- he made it that way. So people would stroke him

He lied. About everything. 

He was always late. Not by minutes but by hours. He was a busy guy, you know. 

He never paid rent. Or any other bills. He only bought his man-toys 

He always had the latest and greatest gadgets -Does anyone around him realize he spends his money on that stuff instead of on his obligations?

He was evicted from his prior apartment He fed his neighbors cable to his own tv. He lost his electric. No- his refrigerator did not break.  

He hopped from girl with house to girl with house until he found one to take him in. Wasn’t I just the lucky one? 

He was – and is still- an unlicensed driver

His car was in police impound for months. For unpaid tickets. And that suspended license

He cheated. All. The. Time. 

He had women everywhere. Aside from girlfriends, he had over 200 contact numbers for backpage escorts around the country. 223 to be exact. 

He bought a plane ticket to Hawaii for one of the escorts. After he told me I couldn’t go because he’d be too busy. 

It was NEVER his fault. Even when presented with cold hard evidence 

He spun the truth 

He loved the sound of his own voice as he told all the grandiose tales of himself 

He manipulated- everyone 

He was a chameleon and fit in anywhere he went. 

He hasn’t seen his son in over 15 years

He doesn’t see his mother

He withheld sex. And then presented it like the holy fucking grail with his arms behind his head when it was gifted. He wasn’t even good at it. 

He “borrowed” money. That he never repaid. Ever. You’d be sickened if you knew how much. I know I am. 

He was never wrong 

He never took accountability 

He angered easily and went on fury rages if ever questioned 

We lost 5 pets while he was around. I do not think it’s coincidence 

A master of justification 

A master of deceit 

A master at the game 

He’d play me against my kids

He was mean to my children- but only behind my back. And expected me to back him up as the other adult. Even when he was wrong. Wrong on so many levels 

His divorce papers from 16 years earlier accused him of child abuse, failure to meet financial obligations, adultery, and mental abuse by withholding his wife from family and friends. But she was crazy.

He made me feel crazy. All his exes were crazy. I’m sure he thinks I’m crazy

He’s a master of crazy making

A master of gas-lighting  

He made me doubt all of my intuition 

He made me doubt myself 

He made me doubt what I KNEW to be truth. 

He only built himself up

He believed his own lies. 


People- including some prior girlfriends- tried to tell me. It took me only a few months to figure it out. But another year to get him out. It was only 18 months total but the effects are ever lasting. I pride myself that I did figure it out, and finally found the strength to get out. Don’t even ask me why I didn’t sooner. There’s no dealing with a narcissist. There’s no arguing. There’s no bargaining. Because they always have an argument back. They justify everything. They are very good at what they do. It’s survivalist instinct for them. They call it a disorder. I call it an illness. They leave scars on their victims that cannot be seen. It’s hard to put his effect on me into words. He’ll probably tell you I made it up. Imagined it. Because it sounds made up. And unbelievable. And that’s exactly how they like it.

I’m telling my story not for pity. But to let you know it can happen to anyone. People you least expect. Here I am strong and independent, funny, happy and positive, seemingly with my shit together, and it happened to me. Twice. In two different ways. Domestic violence does not discriminate and can rear its ugly head in any type of situation. Young, old, rich, poor, black, white, straight, gay. You can think whatever you want but the most important thing YOU need to take out of this is — IT IS NOT THE FAULT OF THE VICTIM. Stop asking what the victim did to deserve it. Start taking accusations seriously. And just be there as a friend. Yes- we may not get out of it as quickly as you’d like us to, but, hopefully, most of us will. In our own time. There are the few that never make it out- and that’s not their fault either. You have no idea the power the abuser holds. And it’s not fair.

As for me, I have moved on. Writing this and bringing attention to it is one of my final steps in doing so. I am thankful for the people I have behind me that helped me get through it. I am stronger for it and I’m better at recognizing the red flags I’ve previously ignored. Don’t look down on me for it, don’t question why I allowed it, and don’t think that I did anything to deserve it. I’ve reassessed my own position in relationships and have chosen to maintain only the healthiest of connections.

If you, or any of your loved ones, appear to be in a similar situation- you CAN get help:


7 First Date Faux Pas

Unfortunately, I am becoming a professional on this topic. God knows I’m gaining enough experience. Unfortunately the first dates aren’t turning into second dates and I’ve made a few observances why in the process. Guys- pay attention. You too, Ladies, as we pull these blunders as well

1. The Plan – If there is someone you’d like to meet – make a plan to do so! Instead of continual texting, calling, snapchatting, whatever – shit or get off the pot! If you don’t, someone else will and you might miss out on someone pretty awesome. No- “Why don’t we just hang at my house?” or “How about a hotel?” are not acceptable first dates. Show some incentive and have a plan formulated with date, time and a public place to meet. Make it a place convenient for your date which shows her that you are putting some thought into keeping her in a familiar location close to where she lives. She will appreciate you making the effort of coming to her turf.

2. The Place – Typically, a first date is not the time for a romantic dinner at a five-star restaurant. As if finding the perfect first date outfit isn’t hard enough, you’ve now added the pressure of “OMG now I need to buy a new DRESS?!!?”. Additionally, the money spent on a dinner like this is similar to a small car payment. Do you really want to spend that much on someone who may not make it to date two? Instead – keep it simple – a cup of coffee, a hike, or even a cocktail. I’d like to add, however, if you are meeting for drinks in the 6-8 pm time frame expect to order at least appetizers. You don’t want her to go home hungry and during that window she WILL expect something to eat. I’ve met up with two different men during dinner time who pushed away the menu and didn’t even offer a snack. I didn’t pursue either one of them.

3. The Look – Now that you’ve made the plan and the meeting is set up – put some effort into it. Put your best foot forward and please don’t show up with 5 o’clock shadow, droopy drawers and a dirty shirt. If you want to impress her, take off the baseball cap, and break out a button down and put on some nicer shoes. Obviously there are different rules if you’re going for a hike, but still make an attempt to look nice as it goes a long way with the ladies. Take a shower. Smell good. And look good. Chances are she’s spent hours and probably made 15 face time calls with her BFF’s and 3 to her sister to make sure she looks her best.

4. The Phone – Keep. The. Phone. Away. The ONLY exception to this rule is if you have your children with a sitter or someone who may need to reach you in an emergency. And explain it. If you absolutely MUST have your phone out – whatever you do – do NOT put it face down. That tells your date only one thing – It tells your date that you are worried about what other potential texts or dating site notifications will come across your screen while you are sitting across from her. She needs to know that she is your focus and you are paying attention to only her during this time.

5. The Conversation – Whatever you do, the last place your conversation should go is to the ex’s. Everyone has a past, especially as we get older, and our ex’s are our ex’s for a reason. She does not want to hear how your ex-girlfriend banged 11 of your closest friends right under your own roof. (Yes I sat through that conversation) She does not want to hear how all of your ex girlfriend’s are crazy psychos and all of your break-ups are because of what she did. Because guess what – that’s a red flag on you. You have a role in your past relationships, too. And that’s why they need to stay there. In the past. There are other taboo conversations involving politics, religion, etc – unless of course you’ve met under that commonality.

6. The Bill. This is the most awkward moment in a first date (aside from walking in and introducing yourselves of course). The bill comes – what do you do? Well – frankly , Mister – be a gentleman and take care of it. There should be no exceptions to this. You should also deny any request from her to help or cover the tip. She’s normally only asking to A. See how you’ll react and B. To show you she’s not afraid pull her weight. Which she will – in time. Chivalry is not dead and you will leave a favorable impression by picking up the tab. Can’t afford to pay the bill? Well then you just shouldn’t be dating.

7. The Final Faux Pas – discounting anyone who may pull one of the aforementioned faux pas. We are all human. We are not perfect. Why do you think it’s so difficult to find someone worth the first date? If your date went fairly well, and he seems like a nice guy who happened to have one little slip up – ask yourself just how bad that slip was. Yes – we all have boundaries and we should keep them in line with our standards. We shouldn’t settle, nor should they. But a mistake is a mistake and maybe worth reviewing the positives during the date rather than focusing on one little error. Sometimes an entire game is won on an error!

There have also been times I’ve been on that “perfect” first date and it still doesn’t get to date two. But all you can do is stay positive, put my own best foot forward and know that someday…..


5 Types of Men You Meet on Dating Sites

After my last entry “5 Reasons Why Women Don’t Respond to Your Dating Profile” received so many positive responses and requests to review profiles, I decided to keep it going. In online dating, I’ve come cross so many different kinds of men, but in thinking about it, they kind of all fit into 5 types. I’m sure any man active in the dating world – past or present – can come back to me with the 5 types of women, and I would welcome that response. Maybe you gentleman can read these and see where you fit. If you’re serious minded about dating, figure out what you can do to set yourself aside from these dudes and make yourself stand out! Here we go…

1 -Captain Hook – The guy in it just for the hook up – I’m starting with this one because they, unfortunately, represent the majority of the online male dating population. Once you recognize them, they are fairly easy to spot. (Most times). They use key phrases like “Lets start as friends and see where it goes” “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” “Open minded” “Willing to try anything” “Risk Taking” “Recently divorced and seeing what’s out there” “Works Hard, Plays Harder” “Just Dating”. These are the same guys that post pictures of themselves shirtless in the mirror, working out in the gym and have very basic profile descriptions. They don’t have much to say for the simple reason they really are not looking to talk. If you entertain the thought of talking to him, (Correction: seeing what happens with him), the instant he has your number he’ll by asking you for pictures. He’s not asking for a selfie, Sisters. He’ll then start asking your favorite positions, telling you what he wants to do to you, and offering up dick pics. Do they really think they are so original? Plenty of women are happy to feed into it – so Mr. I Just Want to Fuck You is encouraged and keep at it as long as they can keep you going. The only one that can end this vicious cycle is you. Even if it is fun for a minute.

2 – The Jig is Up -The guy who is nothing like he presents himself to be. I’m not talking personality here, but physical and character attributes. You have great conversation leading up to meeting. But then, he shows up on your date and the minute you lay eyes on him you have that “what the fuck” moment. He looks twice the age and three times the weight he did in his pictures. He did nothing to present himself well on this first date and shows up in raggy clothes, old sneakers, and casts doubt on whether he even showered. Most times, he wants to split the bill. Yes, women do this too. But what’s the point? Their lives are usually a mess with ex issues and they’re heavily into debt and/or legal issues. They’re pretty angry people.

3 – The Friend Zone – You meet. You have a blast. You have so much to talk about and so much in common. There just isn’t romantic chemistry. But you really like him. And he likes you. Just not “like that”. These guys are great – keep them around. They’re still fun to call up to grab a beer, a show, or a Pepe’s pizza. Just dammit on the lack of intimacy –because this guy is perfect in every other way. I am fortunate to have one or two of them myself!

4 – The Dingleberry – AKA Clingon – AKA Zero to 60 in 2.2 – This guy falls in love with you the second you start talking. At first it’s endearing in a way that you can’t believe someone finally likes you so much. BUT THEN – (there’s always a “BUT”!) the moment you meet, he wants you to meet his friends and to spend every moment with you. If he’s not with you, he’s in overly constant contact and expects you to call during every moment you have a break. Just like fucking Santa Claus, He knows when you wake up, and knows when you are sleeping, and expects a call surrounding those moments. He is obviously let down when you have plans that don’t include him. So, he starts planning family dinners, vacations and when you will move in together. By date 3. When you end it – his world crashes. It’s ok. He’ll fall in love with the next girl, too. Next week.

5 – Ashley Madison – the Married/Involved guy – Yup. Them too. They’re on there. A LOT They come in different shades of “separated” and “practically divorced”. Yea – you’re also practically married and still live together. I had one guy actually tell me I couldn’t call him unless he was at work because his WIFE (who he was of course in the process of divorcing) may see my name on his phone and will get really mad. Really, dude? Then you shouldn’t be talking to me. It’s not fair to her, and not fair to me. How about the guy who told me he’d put his wife on the phone so I could get her permission? Or the one that after three months of pretty serious dating, tells me he was only looking for a playmate to share with his wife. (And he even was including his daughter in some of our times together). Let the sheets cool off, boys. And, NO.

I know that’s five, but I cannot leave out this last guy. He’s the one you fall hardest for, and the one that’s most difficult to shake, and the one for whom you put everything (everyone) else aside. Foolishly.

5A – Mr. I’m Not Ready – He makes it very clear, but treats you like a girlfriend in every aspect of the word without actually calling you “girlfriend”. Ever. This is confusing because his words and actions don’t really jive. He’s kind of like one of the hook up guys but makes you feel like there’s something there – he gives you HOPE. He’s engaging, and interested in what you have to say. Like with Friend Zone, you like each other a lot. You have a blast. Hours pass like minutes. But, it feels like more than a Friend Zone, and you have so much more than you do with Captain Hook. They leave us with the feeling of “Oh, he’ll come around” and “he’ll be different with me”. However, all this really is – is a Friend with Benefits. He’ll keep you around, because he does like you, and the sex is good, but his door is always open for what he may consider the “bigger better deal”. Even if he makes you feel like his one and only. 

There are many other types, including the Ghost Writer that won’t come out from behind his computer, Empty Promises who keeps saying he’ll plan to see you, but doesn’t, and Mr. Persistent who keeps trying no matter how many ways you say no and The Primadonna (if you’re so fabulous, sir, why are you on a dating site?). I’ve come across them all and will probably come across others.  It’s a vicious cycle and an endless quest. 

The entire process leaves me with one queston – WHERE have all the good guys gone? If you figure it out, let me know!